How many tantrums are you experiencing per week? Learn how to CUT this number right down!
Let’s talk about something very real – TANTRUMS.
Most parents only look at a tantrum at the moment that it is happening; while the child is kicking and screaming, behaving in an undesirable, uncontrollable manner.
What you need to understand about this behavior and tantrums, is that it stems from way back in the day, or the day before, or the week before. A tantrum doesn’t just happen, there is a buildup. The lead up to a tantrum for a toddler may be a lot short than it would be for a 4-year-old or 14-year-old but there is a lead up to this explosion of emotion. You need to get real with yourself, check yourself. Have a look at where your blind spots are in this department.
If you’ve had a feeling for a few days or week, where you don’t really want to be with your child (this happens, we are all humans). There may be something really big going on and while you’re spending time with your child, you are not there, you are not present, and maybe if you had a choice you would choose not to be with your child at that moment because you have so much going on. For the record, this is completely OK and this is normal. Understand that this has repercussions and consequences. This feeling of not wanting to be around your child is obviously felt by your child. We must understand that our children’s behavior mirrors what is going on in us. So, if we are riddled with anxiety or worry it is going to have an effect on our children.
Another big determining factor is choice. Are you allowing your choice throughout the day? Of course, within reason. Don’t make your life completely impossible with crazy options to choose from, but does your child get to choose what shoes they want to wear or what color jacket they want to wear? Or are you just going through the motions of the day, shoving your child from place to place without allowing your child to make decisions for themselves? Offering your child choice eliminates tantrums on a HUGE scale. It won’t completely cut out the tantrums, but it will cut down the tantrums.
Let’s recap on how to bring down the number of tantrums you deal with on a weekly basis:
1. Be present with your child.
Or be big enough to own the fact that you may not be present with your child and then take the necessary steps to be present. Bring yourself back into the present moment by connecting with your five senses – ask yourself, “what can I see/hear/smell/taste/feel?”.
2. Allow your child choice.
This is a GAME CHANGER. If there is an area where there is unrest (the bedtime routine/doing homework/getting dressed) give your child a choice in these moments. Set them up for success by offering them different choices which will lead to success. This will also teach your child how to make good, sound decisions.
Click here for a video on how to hold the space during a tantrum and what this means exactly. Keep your child safe and let them ride the storm. WATCH & LEARN.